God, you asked me if I wanted to love.I would have never thought that it would be this difficult to love. I said yes, but you knew my answer even before I said yes. Forgive me if I thought of regretting my answer, but I have moments I want to say no. I have thought of taking it back because I am not sure if I got in me. The process just got started and I am already feeling the weight of worry.Listen to me, God. I am ok with just knowing that there is love in me. I thought my heart turned to rock, but you showed me that there is purity. I am ok with just remembering the spark. Do not be mad at me if I settle. I will be ok alone with you. Oh, but you say,You will no longer see the Egyptians you see today.I avoid love and connection because I fear rejection.I want to go back, but you place me in front of this red sea and my enemies behind my back. I have no option but to call on your name. Lord, I am scared. Do I have faith?I have been ignoring your word. My head has been fleeing the wilderness. I am going on and on in circles, nothing but desert. Will you get this Egypt out of me?Because if I think about it, I know I will rather settle down.I do not think I am strong.I do not think I can love.I do not think I got it.I do not think I am worthy.I do not think I have enough faith.What if I fail you, God. I feel stretch beyond what I believe I can be.I do not know to be patient.Show me how to love,Show me to be patient. Show me to walk in who you say I am. Let Your rod and your staff guide me.But you call me and say I have prepared you for this specific time. You say it over and over again.I will be with you. I give you what you need and not what you want.