Why is it hard to trust God when the unexpected happens?
Why trusting has cost more and more every time and
trusting instead of feeling generous, I feel stolen from.
Never have I ever given my best of me to anyone.
Never have I ever loved so wild and gone far to confront my own fears to love, something I never thought to reach.
I gave, I give, and I will give, but while I wait every day feels more empty and farther from the promise.
When?
This constant fight and walk in the desert have me disoriented.
Have I heard wrong?
Did God lead me out here to die with no delight?
Have I not sown enough?
Day after day empty with no promise.
One thing about giving is wanting to regret when things don’t seem to work my way.
Did I only give my best because of the promise?
And If I have not received the promise will I not give the same?
Yet, even when I have not, I will still give my best
because the best of me comes not with strings attached but with trust,
Hoping to believe beyond what I can see. Trusting that love can really grow something beautiful if you just learn to wait.
Don’t get so caught up with the promise that you forget God all along. Sometimes we say when I get this or get that, or I have this, or that, then I’ll be in the promise of God.
I don’t think that the actual fulfillment of the promise of God was the place or thing but rather a state of mind. For 40 years the people of God wandered through the desert. For 40 years they felt alone, left out, oppressed, and enslaved. But if you analyze the facts. No man could have made it through a desert-like that for at least, no more than 3 days. Yet, for 40 years the people of Isreal walked victory through victory defeating his enemies and having food to survive. ALL provided by God Himself. Sometimes it’s our mind that it’s not aligned to the promise, therefore we miss the promise. And the promise itself is not a place or thing of this world but a place and a thing we hold in our minds and heart. (Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven. Matt 6:19-20 NIV). Joshua and Caleb had gone through what everyone else had gone through but Joshua and Caleb had one different kind of mind that no other had and it led them to make it to the promised land. This two-man understood. They understood what is to live in the promise and hold the promise without physically being in the promise. God has a reason for the wait. He is developing a rather more important character than the actual material blessing. It is only loving of God to withhold a blessing from you that you aren’t ready to keep and hold forever yet, even value its cost.
There is a difference between what God does for us and what He does to us.
One of the reasons we become Christian is because we heard that a man named JESUS died for us so that we can receive salvation. We go in with the understanding that Jesus loved us without us knowing him or having some kind of commitment. But one mistake we make as Christians is that we go on in our Christian walk thinking that Jesus or God is some kind of god that does things for us only. This is when we began to depend on God to give us what we want, or to demand what he promises to give us, healing, wealth, health, etc. This is where we go wrong with our journey and relationship with God. At least I hope you didn't give your life to Jesus because of what he can do for you. Rather, I hope you gave your life to Jesus for what he can do to you. The promised land wasn't about getting something but becoming something qualified for the promise. By that, I mean a transformation of character. If God gave you a promise to become a King like David, God will first take you on a journey where your character will be molded to qualify you first in the character of a king. Imagine if God positioned you as a king and you knew nothing about how to be king. It would be only a mistake of God to give you something he has not equipped you for the job. Therefore, it is only the love of God to withhold a blessing from you that you aren't ready to keep, hold, and value. Because God's purpose is much bigger than for you to have fame. God's purpose for your healing is much bigger than being healed. God's purpose for that career is much bigger than better receiving a good income. God's purpose for your relationship is much bigger than just finding somebody. God's purpose for that failure is more than just going unnoticed. Trust me, the wait SUCKS, IT HURTS, IT's DISAPPOINTING. But, let me leave you with one verse to remind you of God's power and control.
Jeremiah 1:5 (reformed)
I have chosen you and I have consecrated you BEFORE you were formed and born for the PURPOSE I have placed in you. I know why I created you and for what I created you. I am in control.
-AMP
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you [and approved of you as My chosen instrument], And before you were born I consecrated you [to Myself as My own]; I have appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”